A prayer

Don’t you sometimes love someone so much that their emotional or physical pain literally becomes your pain? Like you would do anything with in your dominion, your capacity, to extract all the pain from their lives and fill it with contentment and happiness.

And God, that helplessness when you can’t  help them, worst of all. May Allah ease our and our love ones pain. Ameen!

Character

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Something that caught me off guard.

Loyalty is loyalty under any circumstance any scenario. No opportunity, no glitter and no price can undo your loyalty if it’s one of your fundamental character ethics.

Think about it. Does your loyalty have a price? Net worth? If yes, you need to
reconcile your fundamentals and it’s fine. Better late than

never.

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Loss, family, retrieve.

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Leaning back in the chair, heart rapidly banging against my chest,  breath fast and small, hands sweating, I was constantly checking the huge round wall clock infront of me. It has been more than an hour since I’ve stepped in this police station, they told me I could meet Eric in a while, not sure what in a while exactly is. How bad could it be this time? Was he okay? Could I take him home with me? Lost in my thoughts, suddenly I heard the mediocre blue door open, the officer infront of me addressed me to follow him. My heart still racing like a horse, I saw glimpse of my 18 years old ahead, in a small cabinet type cabin, the officer was taking me to. The corridor had dim lights, it was 1:20am and my son was in jail. The realization was eating me alive. Finally another blue door, with a glass fame on the top that stretched to the middle where I stole a glimpse of my baby boy, opened, my heart sank, he was looking down, hair messed up clothes torn and dirty and hand cuffed. He looked up and met my eyes, his glossy eyes reflecting the same terror as mine. Instantly I forgot we were with an officer in a police station, I rushed towards him, and took him in my embrace. He stiffened in my hair, “Sorry, Mom.”
I tried to compose my self, “I’m here baby, it’s okay”

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The officer put a hand on my shoulder,”Ma’am, please sit back we have some discussions to do.” By his tone, I could tell he was sorry but also upright, like something bad happened.
I shook my head and took a chair besides Eric who looked a little relived since the first time I walked in, but still tired and frightened.
What you need to know about my boy is that he is a 5’10 basketball superstar at school, with brown hair, chocolate eyes and tan skin. He has been a good kid, with excellent grades and great friends but the past couple of months have been quite hard on us. I wouldn’t like to talk about it, just know that we lost his father in a shooting accident downtown, we three were all we had, now it’s just the two of us. Ever since Nick, Ericson has been losing focus, his grades went down, he started hanging out late with friends, missed practice and got detention twice. He is trying, I know that, so am I but he’s still so young. One time the guys he was hanging out with were driving so fast that they hit a mail box on a private property, there were no injuries but he was charged a challan, another time he was caught with people who were on drugs, but was released when his drug tests were negative and the last time, he got into a fight with some street boys no police that time but he was hurt. I wonder what it is this time.

The officer cleared his throat to get my attention, he sat infront of us and took a file out. He opened it up and began, “Eric Nick Bateman,  18 years-two months, study in Northern California High-school, thrice basketball champion in middle school and once in high-school, got detention twice last month..” I tried to cut him off, but he stopped me with a modest yet pointed look “..charged with violation of private property two weeks back and got caught with drug addicts but found clean. Is all this information true Mr Eric? ”
My boy nodded and spoke as light as a whisper “Yes, officer.”
The office closed the file, looked at me, “Mrs Maria Bateman your son nearly got himself killed in a fight out side a club house today. Around 11:37 pm, there were three boys against him..”
I cut him off and looked at Eric, “Three against you? Alone? ”
“I’m fine, Mom” he breath out.
“No, you’re not Eric” the officer said emphasising on ‘No’.
I looked at him,”The boys were hurt but Eric hurt his right leg, seriously. We got it plastered. ”
I closed my eyes, we aren’t wealthiest of people, after Nick it’s been a little hard too, I have to work two jobs. Eric and I talked about it, if his grades and STAT’s weren’t good enough he could work on getting a sports scholarship though basketball, but now..
“Mom, I can explain,  plus it’s not that bad” Eric pledged.
My eyes stared watering,  ignoring Ericsson I asked, “What else, officer?”
“We could release him if he would talk about what happened but he has made up his mind that he wants to stay, he begged not to call you, but that’s not how it works, you know Mrs Bateman.”
I shifted to my son, “Why?”
Just this one word was enough for his tears to break down. “..I..”
He swallowed.
“Why, Ericson?” I asked again.
He took a deep breath,  “I didn’t want to come home mom. Home is not home anymore, it reminds me of him.”
I was silent. I couldn’t move.
“I’m sorry, I should have had listened to you, I was so frustrated, the boys at school said I should go to this party with them, so I thought I needed a break, I just got there and it happened.”
I was silent again.
He said,”Say something mom, please..” 
I didn’t look up.
“What happened?” I finally spoke looking away from him.
“..mom..”
“What happened,  Ericsson” I said sharply.
He took a deep breath.
“I can’t tell you.”
I couldn’t take it. Enough was enough already!
“If you don’t, you’ll have to stay in jail, this record would be filed in your CV, Collage application,  job application,  everything will have it attached..why don’t you understand.”
“..Mom, I.. I, .. Because ”
He was quite..
“Officer just said, you can go home if you give your statement about what happened” I looked at the officer and he nodded
“That’s correct, Eric talk to us”
He inhale a deep sharp breath, the longest breath ever I guess. Exhaled and looked at me. He waited for what felt like forever, but finally began.
“You remember,  Julie?”
I started to browse my head.. Julie, Julie.. ” Julie Watson? ”
“Yes, Her.” he said and then silence.
“What about Julie, your chemistry lab partner,  Eric?”
Silence. I could see though him, he was fighting an internal battle, he was in pain.
Taking a deep breath, I said softly,
“Eric, please baby, please tell us the truth. I’m so tried, I want my boy home, we can figure it out. I know we can, I know I can’t ever bring your Dad back, but we can try to move on.. together, I’ve got your back, honey. But I need you to have mines too, and right now I need it, I need you to tell me.”
Instantly something flashed though his eyes, the decision was made.
” She was being raped, Mom.” I looked at him dumbfound, maybe I heard the wrong thing. But he didn’t change the statement.
“I couldn’t let that happen, not because she’s my friend, because she’s a girl and a human, before the three bastards could.. could..hurt her,  I kicked their ass as hard as I could, they were three but not as builded as me, I scared them enough to back off Julie,  but the fight was loud, I don’t remember much, how we went out from the club to the street and how they broke my leg, what I know was, they were hurting someone and I needed it to stop, I just got carried away you know.. I couldn’t tell, him..” he looked at the officer those eyes reflected shock and compassion “or you.. About a girl being.. Her reputation could be plagued, she was so afraid, so sacred..I..   you know how high-school is.. I don’t know.. Mom, I just..” before he could say another word I hugged my boy so hard, that I’m sure he was out of air. He hugged me back with cuffed hands.” I’m so proud of you baby, so so proud, so is your father.”
“You don’t deserve my mess mom”
He stiffened.
“Its okay, we’ll make it work,  you and me again against world.”
And after months we cried, legit cried our heart out, letting out all the bottled up emotions together.
By 2:03am Eric and I got home. We didn’t got back as the tired fed-up mom and lost, unfocused son who were depressed and defeated, we came back, strong, determined, some what healed. We came back as different people, our paradigm shifted.
I knew from then onwards things would be better.

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Consequences

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Some books can really mess your head up. This book is one of those.
There’s no limit to insanity here. I mean for God sake, how can these things, books come into being.
A whole new level of revenge, Alpha male status, manipulation, cruelty due to psychological instability.
I’ve dozens of assignments to do right now and my brain is just FUDGED up! I have to give it a break. Can’t, just can’t,   atleast not yet read the new sequel

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What kills creativity✈

What kills creativity✈

Pre set standards, benchmarks, expectations, social norm’s. The inability to fight for what we love makes us, individuals no more than automatons.

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Only one out of four people believe they are living according to their creative potential.

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How many artists were told their art, talent, work, ideas sucked? Want me to name? Steve Jobs,  Dr. Seuss,  J.K Rowling, Mickel Jordan, Albert Einstein the list is literally never ending. 

So get one thing stright being you, the weird you, is what makes you unique. So do what you wish, as you wish. Stop trying to fit in and mould yourself according to someone because nobody

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knows your dreams, your vision,  so they don’t have the credibility to tell you how to do stuff.

Get up. If you can dream it, you can achieve it. Be confident, observant, mindful and curious.

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WordPress

The whole point for me to write a blog is to get wiser, polish my writing skills and get over the anxiety,  that I’m not smart enough to let out opinions or present an argument.
It’s so amazing to interact on this platform,  the best part? Even when people disagree with you, they are patient and willing to understand your point of view!
🍷 To WordPress for bringing

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amazingly creative and understanding minds together!  :)♥

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Why, you dummy why❓

Why, you dummy why❓

Why do you often feel isolated and lonely when you’re not accompanied by anyone, why do you feel left out when you see people around you laughing and talking, why do you often feel like you are in the group you’re hanging out with but not really “in” it? Why do you think being alone and lonely is the same?These questions might seem too minor, but rise and shine honey, they aren’t!

It’s very important to focus on the root issue here, why?
I’ll tell you what I think. It’s because you are nothing but an over-thinking dumbbell head. Like seriously? Why can’t you feel amazing and comfortable and content within your own skin, your own self ? Why do you feel stomach flipped in public without any company? Because of your insecurities and anxieties? You need to get over it.
You need to fight your demons, deal with whatever silent battle is waging within yourself, always challenging your self esteem.

Firstly value your self, know your importance. Believe in yourself. Be the bane of your existence. Walk away from people or things that makes you uncomfortable in any way.
Secondly it’s better to be alone than in a bad company. Caution ⚠, this is the red flag you often ignore, that plays a major role in diminishing your self esteem. Trust me when I say this, you are amazing, it’s better to be alone, than to be with people who don’t value your presence or are a bad influence. Find happiness within your own self. Feel comfortable being alone. Don’t let the crowd dissolved your individuality.

Thirdly, spend some time of the day alone, to think about yourself. This might sound weird but really, think about all these things like what you had planned about where would you be today, then where are you today and where will you be after a couple of years. Is everything fine? If not, move your ass! Ponder over the questions; Are you following your passion, are you doing the thing that makes you happy? Are you around people who help you grow or around the ones who push you down? And are you just another victim of society’s pressure and norm’s?

Not messing up with your head or anything, just remember your time here in this world is limited, don’t waste it. Don’t fight your innermost voice. The fact that you hear the world around you so much, often leaves you more unfocused on the world inside of you.
You can take the easy road or perhaps should I say ‘apparently the easy road’ by ignoring the uneasy feeling you encounter but here’s the thing about real feelings you can deny it, not avoid it. By denying you’ll just leave the underlying chronic problem untouched to fester and resurface.

Think about it, it’s never too late. Man up, time to save yourself, superhero.💪